Playing with Poop... Yes Poop!!!

Right Now I miss the apartment life so much. Life was much easier then, you never have to worry about cutting the grass, fixing leaking faucets or fallen closed door hinges. All you have to do is call the maintenance man and "bamb"! he comes over and fixes everything. I used to in good with all he maintenance people in the various apartments that I have lived in. I would invite them to stay over for awhile for a bite to eat or offer a glass of ice tea while they are working on my broken stuff. It did not matter how dirty they were or how smelly they happened to be. I was in good with them because the times when I would come home in the wee hours of the morning drunk and stupid, well I needed them to open my apartment because I lost my key somewhere. "No charge", then I would offer them a beer or food for waking them up so late. So as a side note take care of these guys because you will never know when you need them. OK, back to the story, I missed the carefree life that apartments had to offer. A swimming pool, covered parking, a gym, bar-b-que areas, anything that you may need you can get. Well I bought a house now, no one told me that buying a house come with fixing leaking roofs, out dated wiring that is no longer up to code, water heaters that needs to be replaced and the famous AC unit failure. Some times I want to go back to the Realtor that sold me the house and punch him in the face for not telling me that I will not have a maintenance man any longer. That major items in the home are very expensive to fix and replace, not to mention the greedy little bastards up the street wants 35 dollars to mow only the front yard.Yes they tell me, but owning a home is an investment, a satisfaction of have a place to call your very own, to be able to add or change anything in the house that you wish to do. Yea but they do not tell you that the investment is only after 20 years, satisfaction of owning all the problems in the house, and adding or changing anything? Well that is because everything breaks down and you have to add or change stuff out. So now my new venture is pluming problems. Turns out that I have not only one busted pipe but three sections that are broken, two of which are under the house, (under a cement slab). So I have to rent a 75 foot "snake" about every three to four months to clear out the lines because of some genius designed the house that is almost level to the freaking sewer pipes. So ever so often I get to play with poop! I do not have a regular clean out vent, no that would have been a smart thing to do, instead I have to rent a small cable snake to go though the kitchen clean out. Either that or climb up on the roof with the larger one and go down the vent but that take two people to do and I can not pay my son any amount of money to help me after the last experience that he had helping me. So I save and dish out 48 dollars every couple of months and go play with the poop. Then go out later to replace the shirt, shorts  and socks that are fully decorated in black speckled pattern, practically hose myself down before I am even allowed inside to take a shower. Do I get any thanks for being covered in all their contributions that made me so fashionable? No I get dirty looks, sneers and all kinds of remarks. So while I am cleaning the only pair of tennis shoes that I own, I told them wait till I am gone then who will do it? There response is, "We are going to pay someone to do it when your gone, with your money!" I am going to go look for that old Realtor and have a little talk with him, then I am going to punch him.