I may start to be in trouble.

I have been avoiding to write something not because of all the drama going on here at Xanga. Its more like I don't want to face what is going on here at home. I keep telling myself that everything is going good and it will get better but the matter-of-fact is, nothing is going good. I have been out of work now going on three weeks. My unemployment checks are not here yet because they are saying that I have two more requirement to full-fill which I have already done. I have $10 in my account, I have been sick off and on since Christmas. My grandson has also been real sick as well. You know how 1 year olds are..very clingy. He wants either his Mom or me carrying him all the time. Its been real ugly outside so we have not gone anywhere except to the doctor. My wife has been carrying the load from all of us by her working but she just got a work email saying that they may be cutting back at her job as well by the end of the month. MY little niece has been visiting me more this time and that was the only small ray of hope that I have had so far. Every time she has to go back she cry's that she does not want to go back home and she wants to stay with us. Its not that she has a bad home life, that is not it she just wants to stay with us. So with all of this I can slowly feel depression starting to creep up on me again. This has happen about five years ago when I get go into major depression. I lost my great job and afterwards my money started dwindling down to zero, we started losing things. I lost my wifes explorer, my truck and almost lost our house things were getting cut of like phones, electricity and water. It was getting bad real bad. There was more to it as well but Its too long to write it. I just feel that it is starting to happen all over again. Its nice outside today, sun is out and my daughter is at school, my grandson is with his dad till my daughter is done for the day. I have to make myself get dressed go outside and do the things that need to be done since November. Then I will finish my day looking for more jobs (which is a different post all together).

City living verses Country Living...

Since I have been out of work for the past three weeks I have been toying with the idea about moving to San Marcos. Its about one and a half hour north of me. Just about all of my wifes family lives up there and we go about twice a month to go visit my mother-in-law (yes I like her). It would be nice to live out there where your nearest neighbor is a quarter mile away. The open sky where you can actually see more stars than headlights. To hear nothing but quiet or the whisper of the wind. To actually see the sun coming up on the horizon instead of seeing over rooftops and trees. To see the light of the moon instead of adding addition flood lights to see outside. I want to live where you don't have to worry about locking your doors at night and not worrying if your car will be parked where you left it that night. To actually get to see snow about every three years instead of having not seen it in twenty plus (yes, an hour and a half does make a difference in seeing snow). The bad things that is keeping me here in the city is, well, in a small city like that there is no real good jobs to choose from. You have two main choices there; either you work in retail at the big outlet mall or you work at the collage, (Texas State). I don't know anything about ranching or farming to live off of that and many people who live there have to commute to either San Antonio or Austin to work. Also I don't know if I can handle not living close to a 24 hr convenience store. Where I live at now, I can go in any direction for less than 5 miles and hit, 4-McDonald's, 6- 24hr stores, 3- Walmart's, 2- Target's and 2- malls. This is not including all the other fast food franchises and other stores that have two of each. Plus I live across the street from an elementary school, 2 blocks from a middle school and 4 blocks from a high school. All which my grandson can go to. There is 2 secondary colleges and one major college within 7 miles of me for my wife or I if we choose to go back to school. I live in the perfect area. So why am I having this discussion with myself about moving? Well its all about change, since I am out of work, I can actually do something different with my life, take my family into a different path, its a perfect time to make these changes, to completely have a new fresh start. I don't know, I think I am just rambling on because I don't want my mind to know that I actually do not know what to do. I just really need to find a job and get my mind off of silly things like this.